Infidelity is one of the most painful and destabilizing experiences a relationship can face. For many partners left behind the key question becomes: Why did he do it? Understanding the reasons behind why men cheat can help couples not only make sense of the betrayal—but also take concrete steps toward repair or prevention.
In this article we’ll explore 13 less-obvious reasons that research identifies for male infidelity, and for each, suggest how couples (and individuals) can address them.
1. Lack of Emotional Intimacy
One of the most common themes: a man feels emotionally disconnected from his partner.
Why it matters
When a man doesn’t feel heard, validated, or appreciated, he may look elsewhere for connection. Emotional neglect can precede physical cheating. For example, an article points out: “One of the most common … reasons why U.S. men cheat is a lack of emotional connection.”
This is corroborated by the “lack of love” and “neglect” factors from the UMD research.
How to fix it
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Set aside regular time for honest conversation (sans distractions).
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Affirm each other’s value—not just with words but with actions.
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Consider couples therapy if communication has broken down.
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Make small gestures of appreciation and recognition daily.
2. Sexual Dissatisfaction or Mismatch
Sex is not everything—but in many relationships, it is something.
Why it matters
The UMD research identified “sexual desire” as a factor men more often cited. Another article states: “Sexual dissatisfaction is another thing that plays a huge role in infidelity.”
If a man perceives his sexual needs are not met—or if he feels rejected in the bedroom—he may drift.
How to fix it
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Talk openly about sexual desires, preferences, and frequency (without blame).
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Consider the possibility of sexual or medical issues (low libido, stress, hormones).
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Explore novelty and experiment together in consensual ways.
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If needed, engage a sex therapist.
3. Feelings of Inadequacy or Low Self-Worth
Sometimes the cheating isn’t just about the relationship—it’s about the individual.
Why it matters
When a man feels unappreciated, ignored, or emasculated (often by circumstances rather than a partner’s fault), he may seek a relationship outside to feel valued. According to one review: “Men (and women) indulge in cheating when they feel inadequate … They seek to find someone that makes them feel like a priority.”
How to fix it
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Foster open discussions about feelings of inadequacy or low self-esteem.
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Encourage individual therapy or self-work on confidence and self-worth.
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The partner can reaffirm their respect and appreciation—but responsibility lies with the individual to work on self-worth.
4. Boredom, Routine and Loss of Novelty
Sometimes relationships become comfortable—but too comfortable.
Why it matters
Long-term relationships may settle into routine, losing the sense of excitement or newness. One source says: “Men cheat or flirt for … boredom … or simply an emotionally disconnected relationship.”
Recent commentary by Esther Perel describes this as relational “deadness” that often underpins infidelity.
How to fix it
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Introduce novelty: new experiences, new routines, new shared adventures.
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Keep curiosity alive: ask your partner questions, engage in fresh topics.
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Build rituals that remind you both of connection and discovery.
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Remember: staying committed doesn’t mean stagnating.
5. Opportunity / Impulse + Weak Boundaries
Cheating often isn’t plotted months ahead—sometimes it arises from an impulsive moment when boundaries are weak.
Why it matters
The UMD study includes “situation” as a motivating factor (e.g., travel, intoxication, high stress).
Opportunity doesn’t excuse the behaviour—but understanding it helps in prevention.
How to fix it
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Set clear boundaries: what is acceptable contact with others, what isn’t.
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Discuss triggers (alcohol, stress, loneliness) and plan for them.
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Encourage accountability: friends, partner, and oneself all play a role.
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Build systems: e.g., transparency, shared schedules, check-ins when away.
6. Low Commitment or Misaligned Relationship Expectations
Infidelity sometimes reflects that one partner did not fully commit—or misread the relationship agreement.
Why it matters
‘Low commitment’ was another factor in the UMD research: when a partner isn’t as committed, or didn’t believe the agreement was exclusive.
On the surface, things may “look fine,” but underneath the agreement about boundaries may be unspoken or vague.
How to fix it
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Have an explicit conversation: what does commitment mean to each of you?
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Revisit the “contract” of your relationship: monogamy? Emotional exclusivity?
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Align expectations and check in regularly.
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If one partner isn’t ready or willing to commit, consider whether the relationship is sustainable.
7. Life Stress, Mid-life Crisis & Power Dynamics
External pressures and internal transitions can destabilize even the strongest relationships.
Why it matters
Recent research highlights that power imbalances (e.g., one partner holds more power in the relationship) can correlate with increased infidelity.
Also, stress from career, ageing, children, or mid-life transitions may drive some men toward cheating as an escape or a signal.
How to fix it
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Recognize that the cheating may be about life stress—not only the partner or the relationship.
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Share stresses out loud: finances, career, parenting, ageing.
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Develop coping strategies together (therapy, stress management, lifestyle changes).
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Reinforce the message: the relationship is a safe haven, not a battlefield.
8. Narcissism, Entitlement or Dark-Personality Traits
In some cases, infidelity isn’t just triggered by relationship problems—it reflects personality vulnerabilities.
Why it matters
Research on the “dark triad” (narcissism, Machiavellianism, psychopathy) shows that individuals high on these traits may be more prone to short-term mating strategies or cheating.
This doesn’t mean all men who cheat have these traits—but it’s a risk factor.
How to fix it
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If personality issues appear persistent and harmful, individual therapy or counselling may be necessary.
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The partner must ensure self-protection and set boundaries.
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Reflect: is the relationship built on mutual respect or manipulation?
9. Cultural, Peer & Gender-Role Influences
Men don’t exist in a vacuum—society, culture, peers and norms influence behaviour.
Why it matters
Men may feel pressure to “prove” masculinity, sexual conquest, or dominance. For example, the concept of “fragile masculinity” links risky or cheating behaviour to threatened manhood.
Moreover, cultural norms that minimize male emotional vulnerability may lead men to seek validation in affairs rather than intimacy.
How to fix it
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Challenge gender-role assumptions and talk about healthy masculinity.
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Encourage emotional literacy and vulnerability in the relationship.
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Build peer support around fidelity and committed relationships, not conquest.
10. Unresolved Past Trauma or Attachment Wounds
Sometimes the cheating is symptomatic of deeper wounds: childhood trauma, attachment injury, or unresolved emotional pain.
Why it matters
Emotional wounds may drive a man to cheat as a way to soothe, escape, or prove something. One article states: “Men cheat … for a variety of reasons including … unresolved traumas.”
These underlying issues often go unspoken but can show up as infidelity.
How to fix it
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Individual therapy to explore trauma and attachment patterns.
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Couples therapy to understand how past wounds affect current relationship.
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Create relational safety so vulnerabilities can be expressed without shame.
11. Feeling Unappreciated or Invisible in the Relationship
Often, it’s not so much that something was done wrong—but that something was not done.
Why it matters
If a man feels that his contributions (emotionally, financially, parentally) are invisible or unappreciated, he may seek validation outside. One review states: “One theme that runs through them … is a lack of appreciation and attention.”
How to fix it
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Make appreciation routine: verbal acknowledgement, gestures of gratitude, feedback to each other.
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Create rituals of recognition (e.g., “what I appreciated about you this week”).
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The partner should ask: “Do you feel valued?” regularly and respond to the answer.
12. Variety, Novelty or the “Grass-is-Greener” Illusion
For some, the idea of cheating is tied to novelty, variety, and especially the illusion of “what if.”
Why it matters
In the UMD study “variety” was cited as a motivation: wanting to experience something new.
Even the perception of what’s “outside” can tempt someone in a committed relationship.
How to fix it
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Bring variety into your committed relationship: new challenges, new hobbies, travel, new conversations.
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Acknowledge the “grass-is-greener” illusion: fantasies vs reality.
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Build sexual and emotional experimentation within the relationship (with consent and boundaries).
13. A Choice, Not an Excuse
Finally: after all these reasons, the act of cheating remains a choice.
Why it matters
One review emphasises: “Nothing ‘makes’ men cheat … men cheat because they choose to.”
Understanding the reason is not the same as excusing the behaviour.
How to fix it
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Recognise that the individual must take responsibility.
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Use the “why” not as justification—but as a doorway to healing.
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If repairing, establish clear accountability, transparency, and consequences.
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Re-establish trust through consistent, trustworthy action over time.
Conclusion
Infidelity is rarely about a single moment of weakness. For many men, cheating is a symptom of deeper relational or personal issues: emotional disconnection, unmet sexual or emotional needs, low self-worth, life stress, cultural pressures, or personality vulnerabilities. But the good news is: these are fixable. Understanding why men cheat opens the door to healing, prevention and stronger relationships.
If you’re in a relationship where trust has been broken—or you simply want to shore up your connection—use the 13 reasons above not as excuses, but as sign-posts. Ask yourselves: “Which of these resonate with us? What do we need to repair? What do we need to build?”
Whether you choose to stay together or walk away, awareness gives you the power to act.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q1. Does cheating always mean the relationship was bad?
No. Even relationships that seem “good” on the surface can harbour unmet needs or unspoken issues. Studies show that people in relatively stable relationships still cheat because of unmet emotional or sexual needs.
So while a dysfunctional relationship can increase risk, a “good” relationship is not a guarantee against infidelity.
Q2. Can a relationship survive after a man cheats?
Yes — but it takes much more than words. It requires consistent transparency, repaired trust, and addressing the reasons why the cheating happened. Couples therapy and rebuilding rituals of connection help.
The reason matters: if you address only the symptom (the affair) but not the cause (e.g., emotional disconnection), then risk remains.
Q3. Is it always about sex when men cheat?
No. While sexual dissatisfaction is a key driver, many men cheat due to emotional needs, self-esteem issues, or feeling unseen. For example: “Some may ask… ‘What could cause someone to risk such a precious bond?’”
Q4. What about women—are the reasons different?
There are gender differences: research indicates men more often cite sexual desire, variety, and situational opportunity, while women more often cite neglect and emotional dissatisfaction.
But keep in mind: many reasons overlap and apply to all genders.
Q5. How can we prevent cheating before it happens?
Prevention isn’t about surveillance—it’s about connection, communication, and relational health:
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Regular check-ins (“How do we feel?”)
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Clarifying expectations and boundaries
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Keeping intimacy—both emotional and physical—alive
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Maintaining individual self-work (confidence, trauma, stress)
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Handling life-stress and power imbalances proactively.